I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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