Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(360): View more from Washington

i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.

Fav 6 2792 926
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(201): View more from New Jersey

Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.

Fav 16 1508 2328
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(646): View more from New York

Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.

Fav 19 7329 2002
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(913): View more from Kansas

did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.

Fav 10 3669 2024
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(970): View more from Colorado

I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.

Fav 4 2712 1025
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(775): View more from Nevada

Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.

Fav 1 1007 1426
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.

Fav 8 1042 1348
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(516): View more from New York

Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA

Fav 2 1470 725
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(425): View more from Washington

I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.

Fav 7 79 13
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