No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
