last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
