if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize