i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
