The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
