Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
