This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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