I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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