even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
