He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
