he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
