How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
