Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize