Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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