What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
