also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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