What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
