my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
