i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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