So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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