you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
