my phone needs a breathalizer
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
