I'm eating all of the evidence.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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