Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
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