I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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