What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
