I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
