Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize