ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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