Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
