And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
