okay pat passed out under dana's car
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
