we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
