I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just forgot I was standing up.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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