My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
And then he peed in my hair
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