8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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