Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
