I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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