literally had 100 drinks last night.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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