i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
