i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize