My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
