hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize