i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I got inside last night via doggy door
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