I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
