normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
