You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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