I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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