Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
