I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
