Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
