gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
im six kinds of drunk right now
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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