Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
