It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
