just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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