i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
