I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
