I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
