my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
