you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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