I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
