he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
