He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize