Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
