just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
