So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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