im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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