I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
