i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
