I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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