Cold hands, warm shart.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
