I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Green mimosas i think yes
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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