I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
