Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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